New Directions and Why You Should Always Trust Your Instincts

This blog is about to take a new direction, at least for the next few months or so. Usually I post rants or what-nots about various things that interest me but you can likely expect a lot fewer posts like those for a while. This blog, for the time being, will focus on my journey as a mother of a preemie. I will still post other things - crochet patterns and other frivolous interests - but there will likely be more purpose to this page than there used to be.


One thing I do want to discuss because I haven't been able to get on in awhile, is the power of positive thinking (or prayer, if that's your thing). My last blog entry was made when I found out my cousin was dying. Turns out, the day I wrote that post, my cousin - who was scheduled to begin donorship (not a word, but it fits) of his organs, was being granted a reprieve, thanks to one of his doctors, who decided to go over his scans one last time. It fits with the theme of this post in particular, because she trusted her instincts, got a second opinion, ceased the process, and now my cousin is on his way to recovery. He has a long journey to go and we don't know exactly what his end-results will be, but every day brings with it new progress for him, of which we are all grateful.




On Monday, September 5 2016, I woke up feeling like shit. Not unusual as I was 32 weeks pregnant and my pregnancies aren't the most uneventful gastrointestinal excursions my body undergoes...underwent. That's not ever happening again, but I'll get to that in a bit.

My entire torso from the center of my belly and up to my head, felt like it was on fire. I did end up getting physically sick, called my midwife, did a few things she suggested, and tried to let it pass. When it didn't - it actually progressed into full-blown headache, blurry/loss of vision, vomiting, and dizziness - I tried to get a hold of my clinic again. It was a holiday but there should have been a nurse line open. Unfortunately, the system had automatically turned the answering service over so that the phones were running as if it were a business day...which meant no one was actually there to answer the phones and the only way to get through to a nurse was to leave a message...which I did, at first. Make no mistake, they did get back to me. The next day.

After sitting on hold for 30 minutes, I decided to head over to my childbirthing center to get checked out. Now, I thought it was a migraine. I thought I was being maybe a tad melodramatic but my head hurt like a bitch and I knew that they'd give me some pain killers and fluids and send me on my way. Not how I wanted to spend Labor day - we had made plans to do a whole lot of nothing (literally) for Andy's birthday and it was going to be a great day off. We'd had our baby sprinkle the day before so all three of us were looking forward to the day off and some rest. So, not how I wanted to spend my holiday but I wasn't about to spend it completely miserable either.

Here's the thing. For a moment, the headache subsided enough that I thought maybe I'd just stay home. But instead of regretting it later (which I would have), we decided to go in anyway.

I'll cut to the chase because frankly, I need to get going here. On Monday, September 5 2016, my son and I almost died. There's no melodrama here because frankly, it's simply the facts. Had I listened to that voice in my head - which had been put there by people in my youth btw (probably get to that some day but not now, and yes clearly I have a hard time letting certain things go) - telling me that I was probably over-reacting, I wouldn't have made it to L&D in time. I would have likely stroked out, my son's placenta would have completely abrupted, and that would have been the end of it. My son was delivered at 5:44 pm via c-section due to preeclampsia and fetal heart-rate complications (his BP at one point had dropped from 150 to 70 bmp). Apparently his placenta had began abruption (possibly) a few days earlier and that might have been what started everything. They don't know really what causes preeclampsia. I was not at all at risk for preeclampsia - I have never had heart problems or blood pressure issues, I'm not over-weight and while I don't eat the best, I am by far from the unhealthiest of eaters. In fact, we had just started switching our diets to something far more body-friendly and one of the things I had decreased was salt intake.


I need to head out to the NICU. My son and I both made it through this. As of last night, he's progressing well for a 32 weeker. We're both on the way to recovering. I'm on bp medicine for the next few weeks, until I'm no longer at risk for regression. Apparently the "cure" for preeclampsia is delivery of the baby but the main event is kind of like throwing a stone in a puddle. It takes a bit for the water to calm again and you can get stuck in a ripple if you aren't careful (there's your analogy for the day). I still have high blood pressure and hopefully that'll go back to normal now that I'm on a daily med for it.

The moral: being melodramatic and overly cautious of your health might annoy people (don't let it get out of hand - there is a thing called hypochondria and it's a real illness, but this isn't what I'm referring to). It might be inconvenient to your schedule because the last 8 times you went in to get checked out for something, it wasn't nearly as serious as Dr. Google made you think it was...but it's that one time that matters. Trust your gut. It's there to save your life when you need it.

Grief and accidents: a PSA

I officially lost my cousin today. Early morning on July 4th, he was admitted to the hospital after he flipped a 3-wheeler. He was not wearing a helmet. As a result, he was in critical condition for 9 days, with severe damage to multiple parts of his brain. Irreparable. The end result: he died today, at only 27 years old.

When grandparents or the elderly die, we can find comfort in statements like "at least they had a long, fulfilling life". But when the good die young? No. Not here. There is no false sense of comfort any of us can give ourselves that will help us get through these moments. The best we can do is try to remember the good times we've had with them, and to understand that the time we have is short and we need to make the most of it.

J was a sweet guy, always happy. The last time I remember seeing him angry was when he was a toddler, throwing a tantrum. The last time I saw him sad, was at my grandparents funerals. Otherwise, he was always smiles. Our very large family has always been close, but there was a block of us born within 6-8 years of each other, and that meant we grew up side-by-side, more like siblings than cousins. So when I say he was my cousin, I want you to understand that he was so much more to me (to all of us) than that, he was like a brother. Maybe then you can get the sense of just how large of a hole is in my heart right now. There is no trying to logic our ways through this tragedy. It hurts. And it sucks.

This life, while he touched many people and made a huge impact on any who crossed paths with him, had so much more warmth and love to share. It should not have been his time to go. It was senseless, stupid, and unnecessary. And it could have been prevented.

Despite what people say, recreational vehicles are not toys and they should be respected for what they are - fun, but dangerous. If you are going to ride, always understand the machine you are riding before you take it out for a joy ride. And always, ALWAYS wear a helmet. All of this could have been prevented had he been.

So reach out to those you care about. Tell them you love them, even if you are uncomfortable with it. Because you might not think it, but today may just be the last chance you get to let them know.

For you, J. With all my love.

All Lives Matter - stop the qualifiers

So tired of all of this shit. I have refrained from commenting on many posts these past few days that pertain to this matter but I can't take the police bashing any longer, and on top of that, now we have retaliation shootings. Nothing that is going on is excusable. All lives matter.

Don't argue, just read.

All lives matter. It's the qualifiers - black lives matter, police lives matter, white peoples lives matter (pick whatever one you want) that is keeping groups of people separated. It is allowing for this us vs. them crowd-mentality that leads to nothing but violence, hatred, xenophobia, and bigotry in ALL GROUPS OF PEOPLE. It is clear - by all of the crime and the shootings, the wars between gangs, between races, between the police and citizens - that no one group is "worse" than any others when it comes to perpetuating hatred against another group, or even amongst members of their own group. To think so is ignorant at worst and naive at best. You want a solution? Here it is:

First, we all need to acknowledge that the real problem is not about skin color, sexual identity, or religious beliefs - it's about people seeing everyone else as different from themselves, and acting in accordance to that belief, through hate and fear and a sense of resentment because only one groups lives seem to matter at a time. It's allowing some dick-bag to run in the presidential election who is clearly doing nothing more than stirring up the muck that our country has been trying so hard for the past hundred years to clean up (not bury, but clean up). Wake up! You want freedom for all, you want safety for all, then you need to start seeing everyone as one cohesive unit - a human entity. The "this group has it worse...no that group has it worse...no basically every group but White people have it worse...White people have no problems because they have privilege, and if they do it's really not that bad... unless they're women but even white women - even those getting beaten and discriminated against among the rest of society- don't have it nearly as bad as others... oh, and men - especially white men - can't be abused because they're the most privileged of all..." THIS IS THE PROBLEM. BAD IS BAD! We aren't fixing a fucking thing with this mentality and it needs. To. Stop.

And we are looking in the completely wrong direction. And it works for people who profit off of the pain and desolation and poverty of others. Stop fighting each other and start working together. There will always be bad apples in every group. This is nothing new. It doesn't just qualify to police officers, but to EVERY GROUP. The mentality of ALL GROUPS need to change. You can argue against that fact all you want to but I hope that this latest incident in Dallas clues people into this - that inability and stubbornness to see the picture as a whole, only being able to see it from the side of the group that you morally support is the root cause of this inability to move forward peacefully, and together, so that our kids don't HAVE to grow up in a shitty world, and they DON'T HAVE to be the ones to clean up our mess. Everyone - except maybe the uber rich because they can usually buy their way to happiness, or at least out of most of what ails them - in America is suffering. Reasons and causes may be different but none are less or more valid than the hardship of any other group and when you think they are, that's when the shit storm starts.

Second, I am all for body cameras on police officers. You'll always have conspiracy theorists but if officers are required to have these devices, not only will we catch the bad seeds, but we'll also be able to support officers who were simply doing their jobs and had a tough choice they had to make. I honestly don't know why this hasn't been implemented yet, to be honest. It should have started the instant that people became aware of racial profiling and the resulting targeting of police officers.

One more thing to chew on: Wars are great for economic growth, at least in the short term (they're horrible for it afterwards but the longer you can string out a major war, the more money is brought in). I can't help but feel like we're being manipulated into one by our own politicians. I'm more interested in what you all think on this front, than on what you think about the rest of this mess. I don't usually post too much about politics or negative stuff, I've had enough of it and frankly, why? Many people who post shit on social media are just reposting something they saw, without fact checking it, or are posting things from a biased perspective, and therefore aren't open to discussion. They are more interested in hearing themselves speak than they are about finding a solution to the problems. And frankly, it's all exhausting. Arguing with a bigot or zealot is like trying to convince a brick wall to walk. It's not likely to happen.

New Post in Academic Interests

College and Rape/Sexual Assault, posted 5/31/16.

This weeks lesson - Rape and College Campuses: Do you actually know what rape is?

I am providing a link for the RAINN website, specifically the link to the page "Was I Raped?" This week's lesson discusses, among other things, statistics as to the reason why victims of rape or attempted rape on college campuses do not report the incident. The three main reasons were 1) individuals weren't sure that they were raped; 2) they didn't want people to know; and 3) they weren't sure that the victimizer meant to commit a crime or that they meant to hurt the victim. On this particular topic, I will address my own thoughts in the Academic Interests section of this blog. For now, this entry is primarily to provide you with the resource to determine what rape and sexual assault is. This website provides commonly asked questions and answers, as well.

Children, Stranger Danger, and Sexual Abuse weblinks.

The first link I came across while I was "studying" (meaning I was going through Pinterest) and shared it on my mommy group. After I followed another link, I thought both sources were great so decided to share them here with you. The first is about "Stranger Danger" and the second is about "innocent secrets". Innocent secrets are those that people tell kids that aren't meant to be anything more than light-hearted (don't let your dad know I gave you a sucker before dinner, for example). I have been studying psychology, abuse, and child development for the past 2 years and I didn't even think about how child predators use similar speech with children they are abusing.

Beyond Stranger Danger: 6 Off the Wall Tips That Can Save Your Kid’s Life

Do "innocent" secrets hurt kids?

Added entry

Added an entry for Summer Term 2016 in Academic Interests. This is information for my Violence Towards Women class.

Cycle of Violence - Shelter for Help in Emergency

Cycle of Violence - Shelter for Help in Emergency:



This website contains information on how exactly the cycle of violence occurs.

'via Blog this'

Quick Catch Up, Political opinions, and Community Service

So, life has been pretty busy. I'll address the mundane happenings first, and then get onto more substantial topics in a minute.

I graduate this December, I only have 12 credits left, so instead of over-working myself (being a SAHM and going to school full time, depending on the time of year, is near impossible), I am doing each term from here on out at 3/4 time. I am taking a 6 week class this term (violence towards women, which is great) which requires volunteer work within my community (more on that in a minute).

A and I are expecting a baby boy in October - Halloween actually, so I've been busy dealing with morning sickness and all of that.

I am working on organizing my pinterest boards, so if you're interested, check that out.

Now, back to community service work, which this post is primarily about:
First, for my VTW class, we are required to volunteer 20 hours at an organization that aids women and children who may be victims of DV. This includes food banks, homeless shelters, soup kitchens, etc. I chose to work at a family shelter near me that caters to homeless families. While there are some men there with their wives/girlfriends and children, primarily the residents consist of single women and children. I really enjoy my time there and I highly suggest my readers take up some form of community service work, too. Get your kids involved. They are the future, after all.

I try to avoid talking overly about politics but with everything that's been going on in the media, I am going to say something. I understand why Trump is appealing to some people. We're all pissed off at politicians and their bullshit, and since Trump isn't a politician, he holds some appeal. However, his attitudes appeal to the innate racists and traditionalists - and gives platform for the cowardly to come out and practice unspeakable acts. After all, if Trump can practice hate speech and intolerance on national television, why can't the rest of the racist, misogynists of America? This aspect is disgusting to me. But I understand the anger at the government. I really do. I don't trust Clinton any more than Trump. (I'm actually Independent/Green, not Democrat) I support Sanders because he really is "for the people". He actually could "make America great again" and if those citizens who oppose him would actually do research into his policies, he has explained how he will do it. Trump, however, has not. He is a celebrity, not a politician. People forget that he is not actually "one of us"...the poor or the middle-working class. He is a trust fund baby who managed to bankrupt his companies and take down a lot of people in the process. With Trump in the running for the Republican party - and all of the hate and intolerance and poison that asshole vomits forth. Oh, btw, he doesn't plan on "Making America Great Again" for anyone other than the rich. Keep that in mind when election season comes around. If you receive any form of assistance (and many Trump supporters do), you can basically kiss that all goodbye if he gets into office. It's important that those who have never experienced poverty or lower class life get involved with individuals who have or currently are going through hardship. It's important, because if you are going to hate a group, you should at least interact with them firsthand and know exactly what and who you're hating. These people who have hit rock bottom aren't expecting a handout. They will only be homeless once. A majority of them work their asses off just to get to where the privileged were lucky to be born into. I guarantee you that if you do make the effort, if you really immerse yourself and get to know these people and their situations, you wouldn't be so harsh or biased. You wouldn't hate a group out of some misconceived principals. You'd learn. You'd grow. You'd become a better person. YOU would help "make America great again". Ignorance, blindness, and bigotry will not create a better world. It will do nothing but breed more discontent, discord, and will lead to higher crime levels and poorer people. It will likely be the death of our species, in fact. (I'm not typically a dooms-dayer but I've seen statistics and have studied the patterns of human nature enough to know that this is a legit possibility). So do yourself a favor and get educated. Look outside of your own party, your own narrow beliefs, and really become knowledgeable about the real world around you, not the world you see on TV. (And yes, I have done my research. I don't speak on something if I don't have knowledge to back it up. I don't particularly like feeling a fool and when you make an ignorant statement, you tend to look the fool). That way, at least, you have enough experience and information from both sides to make educated arguments and stand on your own. Even if I don't agree with you, I'll respect you if you come into a discussion with actual, verifiable, facts. I'll think you're a fool if all you do is parrot back what you hear on TV.

My problem isn't really Trump. It's his supporters. Trump is just a loud mouth and media whore. But his supporters...they are the true people to fear (being feared for your bigotry and unnecessary violence is not admirable, btw). If Trump gets into office, there's only so much power he has, really. He'll likely bring about hostilities from our allies and damage relationships because of the shit he says, but most actions he proposes can't be done without approval from other branches of government. If he looks to be winning, we can elect a Democratic majority House and that would counterbalance his stupidity. That's not really the big problem. The big problem is that his followers can do considerable damage, and already have. By even agreeing that waterboarding (for example) is okay, that we shouldn't "take nuclear weapons off the table", they are showing just how broken their moral compasses are. The fact that people are okay with decimating, or discriminating against, others simply because of their religious beliefs (most of which do NOT condone terrorism and violence) or because of their ethnicity, culture, or race, shows exactly how depraved they are. This depravity is destructive not only to the rest of the world, but to Americans as well.

But anyway, back to poverty. I'm about to give you some information on those individuals who receive government assistance (read: "welfare"), so open your mind, leave your preconceived notions at the door, and really take in what I'm saying here. At some point I'll likely add references and statistics - I have to write a formal essay at the end of this term and I'll probably share it after the term is over, so stay tuned for that. Until then, do your own research. Google Scholar is a good resource (avoid media coverage and opinion pieces - I know, I know. I'm basically writing an opinion piece here...take what I'm saying, and go research if you want to argue with my opinions.) This isn't some left-wing bullshit meant to confuse you and pull the wool over your eyes.

Minnesota (where I received my AA and was born and raised) has a vocational program through social services that allows for qualifying individuals to go to school for free (they cover any remaining debt that grants and scholarships don't). One of the complaints right-wingers have is that individuals who are on assistance are using the system and have no desire to better themselves. They just want to live off the backs of the hardworking people of America. This is false. Ticket To Work not only pays for vocational training, high school completion and college degrees, it also help individuals who are more inclined to work instead of going to school. Social workers help their clients in application processes, they teach interview skills. So when I found out that this assistance was available, I immediately knew I wanted to be more than a clerical worker or server (there is nothing wrong with those professions, I just wanted to do something more specific to my passions and I need degrees to do that). I have been part of the poverty class in the early part of my adulthood, after I graduated high school (myth debunked - not all people on assistance are high school dropouts). I made something of myself. As I said, I graduate with my BA in the winter (through loans and grants, I no longer am on assistance and am actually fine with contributing to SS because it was there when I needed it). I'm starting grad school in May. I was able to receive my AA thanks to government funding. Yes, many of you likely helped pay for me to go to school. So, you helped me become successful so that I could contribute back to society. Isn't that what you want? For people to get off of assistance and contribute positively to society? I mean, I understand the frustration that you may have contributed, when no one contributed to your education but you, but the fact is that not everyone has been where you are, or had the same opportunities as you. You live in a country with many people. If you do have a problem with contributing, remember that you do live in a democratic society that is pretty socialist in attitude, if covertly. America isn't the place for you. To those of you who support (morally, if nothing else) the downtrodden in their rise to productivity, I personally thank you. It does happen and whether or not you WANT to contribute to SS, you still do. So again, thanks. I'm working my ass off to pay it forward.

I have been part of the poverty class in the early part of my adulthood. I made something of myself. As I said, I graduate with my BA in the winter. I'm starting grad school in May. I was able to receive my AA thanks to government funding. So when I decided that I was stable enough mentally (I have bipolar type 2, anxiety, and PTSD) and in my living situation, to succeed, I utilized the services available to me. I worked my ass off to get to where I am. I'm graduating with honors. I find pride in this because it shows just how hard I have worked to get to where I am. Nothing has been "handed to me" and I have earned the assistance the government gave me. That's basically the point though. The government won't just support people through college or through vocational training/job acquisition if individuals aren't willing to follow through. In order to receive assistance you need to meet specific qualifications - unless you are on permanent disability (which is reviewed every 10 years, so if you no longer meet requirements, they will take funds from you), they expect you to work towards getting off of assistance. If you choose to utilize the TTW program to attend school, there is zero tolerance for failure of classes. You need to maintain at least a C- in all classes. If you get one D, you will lose your funding for school. Homeless shelters basically run the same way. There are rules and requirements individuals must meet in order to continue to receive assistance. It's much like the TTW in that they help individuals with vocational training, counseling, advocacy, and if necessary, trauma therapy (many individuals who are homeless have PTSD simply from being homeless, as well as battling other mental and physical disabilities, so they require services that are typically expensive. For this, many professionals - and I will be one of them - donate their time and expertise in their own areas to try to help these individuals. I will be providing trauma therapy for women, men and children who have been in abusive situations that have lead to their homelessness) The shelter's secondary goal is to get individuals into housing, jobs, and successfully back on their feet so that they never are homeless again. Their primary goal is to keep their individuals safe and off the streets so that the residents are capable of pursing success.

Another stipulation is that individuals need to be drug- and alcohol-free in order to stay in the shelter. If they relapse and use, they aren't allowed on the premises until they've completely sobered up. There are curfews and schedules to be followed, as well. So it's not a free ride where anyone can do anything and soak up free services.

I have been part of the poverty class in the early part of my adulthood. I was raised in a working-middle class household and have lived in the country, suburbs, and the inner city. I have experienced financial comfort as well as severe financial hardship. I have made something of myself. As I said, I graduate with my BA in the winter. I'm starting grad school in May. I was able to receive my AA thanks to government funding and because of that (and a college education) I feel like I have grounds to stand on when I am talking to you all about this. If you've never done your research, if you've never lived it, if all you do is spout opinions based on shit you see on social media and programs that are biased, stop right now. Find some other passion because what you think you know about people receiving assistance is, for the majority, wrong. You are not helping to liberate America, you are spreading more hate and misinformation. And it gets the American people nowhere.

One final thing, because I have other stuff to do right now and this is far longer than I had meant to write. What I want to address is the myth that individuals who get assistance waste the money on luxury items. This is false (98% of the time. You have assholes and cheats in every social class, of course). When you see someone with brand names, chances are likely that they got them through donations. For example, this past weekend I donated 8 bags of brand name clothes (newborn - 2T) and shoes to the shelter I volunteer at. Among these clothes are brands from Carters, H&M, Kohls and Target, yes, but also clothes from Oshkosh, Gymboree, Macy's, Nordstroms, etc.. My husband is an engineer so we have the money to buy more expensive clothes now. But A-R (our daughter) has outgrown them. We held on to her old clothes in case we had another girl but since we are having a boy (a pregnancy we planned and can afford, for the Judger McJudgersons' reading this) I was able to donate a bunch of clothes to people who actually need them. I refuse to donate to consignment stores for the simple fact that most of the consignment stores (GoodWill, Value Village, etc.) overcharge for clothes they consider "luxury" and so individuals who can barely afford used clothes are still paying out the ass for them. I'd rather my donations go directly to those in need, so I donate them to shelters. I also donated some of my own clothes that, while not all brand name, are in good condition and are stylish enough that others might be judgey about the fact that someone using EBT is wearing nice clothes. I hope you can see where I'm going with this. I'm not the only one who donates to shelters and many people who do donate to shelters donate quality goods. The stipend an individual receives while they are on assistance is no where near enough to afford brand names without serious penny-saving, so those individuals who have a luxury item most likely received them through donation or as a gift.

Well, I'm off. For more information on the ticket to work program, visit https://www.ssa.gov/work/overview.html. Have a good one and get out there, volunteer, and vote this coming election.


P.S. Socialism and Communism isn't the same thing. Figure out the difference before you sneer at socialism.

A Quick thought on the PC movement

"...attention is focused on surfaces, on words and metaphors...signs and symbols are accorded more importance than content...the P.C. movement's obsession with language is accompanied by a strange Orwellian willingness to warp the meaning of words by placing them under a high-powered ideological lens." Michiko Kakutani, "The Word Police"

When we focus too much on political correctness, we are taking attention away from the problem and are wasting the energy we could be using elsewhere. It's superfluous pandering to the idea that words hold more weight than action. Worry less, for example, about the term "wife beater" (a man's sleeveless undershirt) and more about men that beat their wives. 

Basically, stop worrying about what someone calls something and worry more about how they treat other people. Hate speech is not acceptable. Pissing over terms such as "rule of thumb" (which used to refer to the fact that a man could beat his wife with a stick as long as it was no wider than his thumb...horrible, but how many people actually know this when they use it?) is a waste of energy. 

Police Bashing - it needs to stop

I wrote this in September 2015 and thought I had posted it here but apparently it was only on facebook. Anyway, it's still applicable so I'm going to repost it here.

So I'm doing my readings for my Crim-J class and, with all of this hatred in the Media that I've been seeing against civil servants lately, I just have to get this off of my chest.

I am incredibly tired of police bashing. So tired, in fact, that it is difficult for me to continue with this post, primarily for one reason - I don't know if it'll even matter and it's exhausting. There are far too many people who are incapable of thinking for themselves. They think life is bad now, that police are all of a sudden the enemy, well here's the thing: How do you think life will be without them? (Research Deadwood, SD's history for an example of what life was like before law-enforcement.) The police aren't the problem, people who spread falsehoods and lies about the police are. Every time someone shares a post on facebook of a blurry video (or video taken out of context) of what people assume to be police brutality, every time people post opinion threads about cops and how corrupt they all are, you are spreading hate and misinformation. We are falling prey to the Media's desire to stir up hate and fear, and are persecuting the people who do the job we are paying them to do! People need to start doing their own research instead of vomiting forth twisted and misrepresented "facts". Police aren't the enemy, ignorance is. And as long as ignorance reigns, our species is doomed to extinction by our own hands. (On that note, groups such as ISIS don't need to do anything but sit back and wait for us to tear ourselves apart, which we are doing quite spectacularly, might I say).

Yes, there are bad apples in every bunch. I am not excusing that nor endorsing bad behavior. There is still racial profiling, this is true, though there are initiatives in place to try and help eradicate it from law enforcement. However, there is a reason why racial profiling exists and it's not because all White people are racist (people of all races racial profile, don't think any race is exempt from this). If people uphold a stereotype, it will continue to thrive! Don't like the stereotype, then change it. Stop behaving that way! To think any form of negative behavior doesn't have a base for it's existence is naive. Black on black crime is much more of an issue than white on black crime but do people understand this (or care)? No, it's not sensational enough. People are used to Black people victimizing each other (which is a far bigger problem than the handful of corrupt police officers). And yeah, I bet there are people who have been wrongfully accused, have been hassled by police, but the majority that feel they have been were actually...think about it... doing something wrong! I am not excusing the poor behavior of those rotten apples in the PD but there is a bigger problem within all groups and it is not in police/citizen relations.

Now, I know that I am going to get flack for these thoughts but honestly, I don't really care.  I'm ashamed to admit that I used to be one of those people that I am speaking out against. Then one day I woke up, reversed my ignorance, and did my own thinking. ALL lives matter. It's that simple. To focus on one group and exclude all others will do nothing but create barriers and cause people (who should be working together) to want to turn inward in order to make sure that they are not being forgotten or wrongfully treated.  At the pace we're going, we're going to end up creating another civil race war. We can't keep going on in this way if we expect to evolve. We are sliding backwards as a species. We are going to tear each other apart and it scares the living shit out of me. All because people are either a) unable/unwilling to think for themselves or b) are afraid to speak out against these newest initiatives for fear of being called racist (or worse) simply because they don't agree. But guess what, we don't have to agree! That's the great thing about America. But we do have to live and work together so lets stop with the qualifiers and start working on cleaning our mess up.

One last thing to keep in mind: have you ever heard the saying "there are no guilty people in prison"? Every con is innocent, remember, and someone else is always out to get them. Start holding criminals responsible for their actions and stop targeting cops. Or one day you just may need a police officer and there may not be any left to help you.

I'd like to introduce to you...

Keeley Fey! My number one kitty!

My thoughts on the conflict between races...and white guilt

This is my response to a post written in one of my classes concerning racial profiling and interracial relationships.


The "problem areas" where we see the high occurrences (according to statistics) of racial profiling happens in areas where there is a large minority population and high number of violent crime incidences. This tends to be in lower-class/poverty areas. Which makes sense: discontent breeds animosity and desperation which fuels criminal activity. So where people discuss racial profiling, it's really less about race and more about socioeconomic status. Basically, it's not like police are in a primarily White neighborhood picking out the Black community members and ignoring the Whites. They're in lower-class, high-crime neighborhoods that have predominantly minority/ethnic residents. Stereotyping happens. It does and I'm not excusing it. But I think it's important that people remember that it goes beyond Black and White (I meant for the double meaning).

White people face a problem these days, as well, and that's "white guilt". White guilt occurs when members of minority groups believe that (and expect that) White people should feel guilty about all of the injustices that occur in the world against minority groups. White people can't get away from it. If we're not outright racist, we're told that we're latently racist because of "white privilege". And this builds resentment and aids in reinforcing the gap between groups of people. How are we (humans) supposed to fix anything when one group feels like they are being discriminated against (and it's not necessarily just minority members who feel this type of racial/socioeconomic discrimination) and/or blamed for the actions of other people? When a group of people (in this case White people) are made to feel that they shoulder guilt for other peoples' behavior, both before (especially before) emancipation, as well as simply guilty by association of race, there will always be conflict. Many groups of people forget that all groups have gone through hardships. For example, I'm Swedish-American. When my ancestors got here, we were treated like horse-shit. Swede Hollow in St. Paul was a disgusting shanty tenement where living conditions were absolutely horrible - no sewage system, no electricity, building codes weren't enforced, and there were pretty much no city services to speak of. It was nestled in a ravine, only one way in and out, beneath the city streets of St. Paul. It existed from 1850-1950 and at one point there were horse-drawn carriages ... when it rained, there was really only one place that the trash and horse-poop water would travel to and well, gravity works wonders where ravines are concerned. Swedes all across America were seen as lower class and often treated like gutter trash by members of the upper class. What I'm getting at is that everybody's ancestors, (hell, even the members of Great Britain went through multiple instances of being conquered/violated by other groups, such as the Romans, Normans, Vikings, Germans, etc.) faced incredible hardship at one time, by the hands of another group. It's not like Whites aren't discriminated against by police (or even by each other), because as I mentioned above, there isn't just racial discrimination but also socioeconomic, sex/gender, religious discrimination, etc., but we don't really hear about that in the media. And I think that is where part of the problem lies - the media. I've talked to people in Melbourne, to get their perspective on us, and they basically think most of us (those that they have had direct contact with are usually the exception) are all white-trash, gun-wielding, trigger happy rednecks...who don't believe in affordable health care! They believe this because it's what they have seen in world- and social media.

Where White people want to be allies in fights that different races/ethnicities must fight, they are often apprehensive and feel like they can't be, simply because they are White. And I think this behavior on the behalf of minorities, as well as the behavior of Whites fearing that they will step wrong, really needs to change. I think there is a fundamental problem when it comes to the understanding of every group involved. I don't usually quote others when writing discussion posts because they aren't meant to be formal, but in this case I would like to make an exception. Judith N. Martin (2002) quotes Gloria Yomato who wrote "For people of color: Remember...various groups have been oppressed in a variety of ways. Educate yourself about the ways different peoples have been oppressed and how they've resisted that oppression. Expect and insist that Whites are capable of being good allies against racism..." (p. 367). Her point here is that there isn't a reason why people should not help each other out, and that every group has had their hardships, regardless of race. Those who hold power should be embraced if change is desired because they have the ability to help create the change. Why wouldn't you want to befriend people who can help you?! We need to go into these fights as allies that recognize this. To alienate Whites because they aren't Black and don't understand the Black person's hardships will just create more problems, not solve any. As I've watched the happenings between the police and suspected racial profiling cases, as well as some of the acts of the Black Lives Matter movement members, I can't help but feel that this needs to really be remembered. What happened to Africans that were enslaved was absolutely, 100% deplorable. The behavior of racist people is not acceptable. But it is not okay to expect people to support one group when they are also expected to feel guilt for something they had absolutely nothing to do with. And I think that right there is the major obstacle when it comes to propagating positive inter-racial relationships. 

My opinion might not be popular, there are plenty of people who could throw a number of blanket statements at me about how it's invalid because I have White privilege, but I have watched and have been in college (studying social sciences/humanities) for, well, way too long. I feel pretty secure in what I have learned that I can openly discuss this sensitive topic.

Martin, J. M., Nakayama, T. K., & Flores, L. A. (2002). Readings in intercultural communications: Experiences and context (2nd ed.). Boston, MA: McGraw Hill.

To the perfect parents at the zoo...

To the perfect mothers and the one perfect father in the zoo's parent's room:

I would just like to say thank you. Thank you so much for your passive-aggressive condescension and judgmental sideways glances. As you saw me angrily and tearfully scrubbing my daughter's pants - who was running around throwing a fit in her t-shirt and diaper because I had no way to secure her into anything, the stroller being covered in bodily fluids - you did not feel the need to inquire as to my own upset, or to even give me a hint of sympathy. No, instead you think you know exactly what is going on...a mother who is angry at their child for messing themselves. I don't particularly blame you for jumping to that conclusion, as I was angry and frustrated. But not for the reasons you appeared to think. You see, I was not angry with my daughter for having "an accident". She did not mess herself and her stroller. What you failed to notice, or to understand, was that my child - not 10 minutes prior to my entering the parent's room - had thrown a tantrum so hard she threw up all over my hands, herself and her stroller (everything we had eaten 20 minutes before "the colossal fit of 2016"). No. All you saw was a "poor (or bratty, pick the parent)" 2 year old, running around, screaming/crying as hard as she possibly could and a mother who was incapable of being in two places at once. And what you failed to see, not 10 minutes prior, was me, walking with one hand extended away from the stroller, trying to keep my vomit-covered hand clear of anyone and anything because I stupidly tried to catch her projectile puke with my hand so that other people and their kids wouldn't have to step on it while trying to come and go from the playground. How inconsiderate of me.

You see, my child is 2. She's not a brat (usually). She's 2. I am not a bad mother. My child is my oxygen. She is my life. Without her, I'd rather die than keep on going. But toddler-hood is a very difficult time for every person involved - parents and the toddler. But I can only assume from your behavior, that you have not yet had the pleasure of parenting a toddler. And right now, your precious, quiet, well-mannered infants are just that. They are infants. They are immobile and the extent of their fits consumes the very tiny amount of space they take up. Other than breaking sound barriers, your infant isn't really capable of affecting other people around them. When your child throws a fit, you hear "oh, someone must be tired"...or "poor mama, this phase will pass"...and believe me, it will. Then you get to join the ranks of mothers who, upon having to deal with older children who throw fits and vomit in public because they aren't getting their way - and said parents refuse to give in to said tantrums just so your perfect little bubble isn't ruined by this (admittedly) obnoxious screaming - must also deal with people like you. Perfect parents of perfect infants.

One day, you will be where we are now and I hope, for your and your child's sake, the strangers around you will be kinder to you than you were to me.

OMG! I love this family!

Okay, I can't (for some reason) give ya'll a link for the videos but they are HILARIOUS! It might be because they're uploaded to facebook. Anyway, if you get a chance and are wanting to kill some time, look up The Holderness Family on facebook. If you're a parent, especially, you'll love this!

Oh, but I found a link to their blog. Enjoy!

http://theholdernessfamily.com/

Ugh, not this again! Proof that what you drill into children's minds at young ages has a long-lasting impact.

I haven't said/thought about the Lord's Prayer since my grandfather's funeral 5 years ago. No, I don't believe that this is some sign from the Heavens, instructing me to go back to church. What this is, is the product of the years of my Catholic childhood - where they drilled certain rituals into your wee little heads from a very young age. It's proof of exactly how resilient and pliable children's brains are. The fact that, at *cough* 31 *cough*, I can still recite a good many prayers without even thinking about it is proof of just how remarkable our brains are, as well as the fact that it is incredibly important to fill your children's brains with things of substance while they are young. I mean, think about it. What are the things you remember from growing up? 25 years later, I still remember various prayers/hymns, as well as my first address, home phone number, and various numbers of friends whom I haven't spoken to in almost as long. The only reason I can remember my last cell phone number is because I used it as a reference to look up gas rewards memberships and other crap like that.

What brought about this spoken-word earworm? I'm writing a paper on Rotter's Expectancy-Reinforcement Value Model and decided to use the trigger-word "trespass" in reference to those who bully a particular individual. And now for the next day or two, I will constantly be reciting the Lord's Prayer in my head. There's a good message in the LP - forgive others and be greatful for what you have (though most "Catholics" recite this prayer just as numbly and automatically as I do. The message seems to be lost on a good many of them, anyway) - but since I am not Catholic, and because frankly organized faith  makes me uncomfortable - having it stuck in my head is less than ideal.

Checking in

Everything is pretty good here, right now. My daughter just found me hiding in my bedroom. I am trying to do homework and I have no idea how she knew I was here but the little blood-hound found me. Actually, what was most likely the cause of my discovery was the fact that I hide "num-nummies" in my closet and, unbeknownst to her on her illegal entry into my bedroom, she found me instead.

It's interesting, being a college student. I go through various emotions in moments - most often they are moments of "ohmygodIhavesomuchtodohowthehellamIgoingtogetitalldoneFML!" But interspersed with those feelings are feelings of gratitude that I have the opportunity to go to school and to get the education that I am.

Take a moment to think about the things in your life that you have to be grateful for. It's a good habit to get into.

Please, please, please watch this. And better yet, pass this one on.

If there are only a handful of you who read my blog, please, pass this on. Whether or not you agree with the President, or if you dislike or even hate him, what he says has 100% validity. Now, I try to avoid politics as much as possible. It drives me nuts when I see post after post of political propaganda bull shit on my facebook news feed. But this is something I feel strongly about. His main point, for those of you who are too blinded by bias to watch this, is that it is not unreasonable to require all people who wish to purchase guns, and all retailers, must go through a mandatory background check. There is absolutely no reason why this should not have passed the first time it came around but thanks to the Republican party, it didn't. And because it didn't, we've lost a ton of people needlessly.

Obama proposes a few other things that are incredibly important to dealing with gun violence and I also think that every single person would benefit from them. Who's going to pay for it, one may wonder. We are. And you know what, I'm just fine with that. To make sure that my kid can go to school without having to worry that they'll be shot up by some whack-job - or some teenager who has some deep-seated issues that no one had caught because no one was paying attention - yes, I'd gladly give all of my salary in order to make sure that could happen. Because I actually give a shit about my children. I really hope all of you can say the same about your own.

Any contrary retorts that someone could possibly have, btw, he addresses. I just wish we could have seen the entire address, not just his portion. I feel like there was some things he referenced that we missed because we were only shown his part of the proceedings.

Happy New Year!

It has been a while since I have posted, mostly because it was the end of the year and who ISN'T busy, amiright?! I have 11 days until the next term and have been spending as much of that time with my daughter as I possibly can. Hubs has been working a ton.

Today has been a day of walking around the city, followed by documentaries. The first was "Being Elmo: A Puppeteers Journey". The second was "Russel Brand: End the Drugs War". I suggest you watch both of them. The Elmo doc is touching and if your child is as obsessed with Elmo as mine was, you'll probably find it as interesting as I did.

But really, the documentary I want to speak about is the Russel Brand docu. I have been saying this for a long time - it's time to decriminalize drug use. Now, I'm not advocating drug use. There are many hard-core drugs that people should not be doing. What I am advocating for is the treatment (and thus elimination of) addiction, instead of placing drug users in prison for personal drug use. It is costly to the tax payers and does nothing more than stick sick people behind bars. The rate of recidivism is high for drug users BECAUSE we aren't treating them while we have them. If you want crime to go down, treat the problem - addiction - don't just put a band-aid on it. It has been proven that institutionalizing drug addicts will not stop them from using or resorting to various measures (prostitution, burglary, larceny, etc,) in order for them to sustain their state of self-medication. It is not a means of prevention.

I will undoubtedly talk more about this in the future. But for now, if you have Netflix, watch the documentary.

Note: here is a report on the effects of decriminalization of drugs in Portugal.
Drug Decriminalization in Portugal: A Health Centered Approach